Caitlyn's Breastfeeding Journey

LATCH - latch is so complex.  It can "look great" on the outside while wreaking havoc from the inside. Tearing up mom and/or the baby is trying so hard and not able to get enough milk.  A latch that is not able to move milk, over time, can cause milk supply issues. Tongue ties and lip ties can be the culprit but having them freed (released) does not always save breastfeeding. Caitlyn and Zack worked so hard to together and have such a great relationship! I continue to see them both quite frequently at Mother's Morning Out. I love watching Zack grow and meet all of his milestones!  He's quite the handsome young man!  Here is Caitlyn's journey....

"My breastfeeding journey started like many women's. I wanted to breastfeed for a year and I assumed it would go off without a hitch. After my c-section, my sweet Zack was put on my chest and I nursed for the first time. He latched and unlatched frequently, and I assumed this was just a learning curve for the both of us.  By the second day in the hospital I was having more trouble keeping him latched. The nursing staff assured me that he was “just a very active baby”, and that it was just his way. After he was circumcised he did not eat for hours, and the latching on and off seemed worse. I requested for the lactation consultant to swing by just to assure me this was all normal. She showed me a few different ways to hold him and things to try, but she too said the on and off the breast was normal.

Over the next few weeks we settled into our home routine. Zack was eating and growing, I even had a huge over-supply and was able to build a great freezer stash in just a few weeks. At around 8 weeks old I noticed a drastic change in both my supply and the way Zack was eating. He would nurse for about 45 minutes with more on and off than usual. He seemed frustrated and tired, and like he wasn’t eating enough. But, being a very easy to please baby, he didn’t make a big fuss. After this went on for a few days I started to do some research. Maybe my supply was regulating? Was I not hydrated enough? I was even told by a lactation consultant at the hospital that it must be my new IUD, she suggested that I remove it, so I did. Nothing was helping, so I was referred to Dana.

When we first met, Zack was about 11 weeks old. She watched him eat and weighed him, he was only getting 1.5-2oz from me (which he seemed content with) but, it was not enough. Dana took one look inside his mouth and found tongue and lip ties. How was this possible that we got through our whole hospital stay and first few appointments without anyone noticing!? Off we went to get those fixed, and I had a glimmer of hope that we could get our breastfeeding back on track.

After we had his lip and tongue ties corrected, his latch seemed a little stronger (yes!), but he still was not getting the amount he needed from me. So for two long, treacherous weeks I nursed, pumped, topped him off from my dwindling stash that I worked so hard for, and I cried. I felt like a failure. Why couldn’t my body feed him like it was supposed to? Why wasn’t I producing more? I was trying everything with no avail. Going 11 weeks with a bad latch from the ties, it seemed like the damage was done to my supply.

So back to Dana we went, and she told me a few things that I desperately needed to hear. She said, “it’s okay if this just isn’t working, it's okay to give him formula, a fed baby is what is important”. She had no idea how much I needed to hear that. She had no idea how much I needed someone to tell me as long as I was nourishing my baby (breastmilk or formula) that was most important. There is so much pressure that breastfeeding should just be this natural and easy phenomenon that all women are able to do. That is just not the case.

I sent my husband out for formula that night, because I couldn't come to terms and go myself. We finished the rest of my freezer stash over that next week, and I breastfed once a day. Zack quickly went from eating 2oz from me to 5.5oz from the bottle within a week. I just could not keep up with what he needed. I knew it was time to nurse him for the last time, I had been dreading this moment. So I sat in his nursery with him, closed the door, and the tears came. I wanted so badly for this to work, this was not part of my plan.

I certainly mourned the loss of our breastfeeding relationship. But, much to my surprise, I didn't feel any less close to Zack. He didn’t love me any less, he still liked to snuggle up with me and a bottle. He is now a thriving 10 month old, and the happiest baby you’ll ever meet. Some days I feel like my breastfeeding journey “failed”. But I am so wrong. As Dana likes to remind me, I was successful. It just wasn’t the way I planned."