Caroline's Breastfeeding Journey

Sometimes breastfeeding is painful for a short period of time but I feel it should resolve after a week or two. I don't feel it should last for weeks and months. Sometimes I can help mothers find the root cause, sometimes not. If we can't find the root cause, Mom may need to adjust her feeding method. Many moms I work with must, what we call "exclusively pump".  This is another story of lip and tongue tie release not solving the function for baby to latch without causing pain and also not improving the "milk transfer" where baby can use the latch to function well enough to fill the belly and be satisfied. Caroline was able to make enough milk since her supply increased with pumping so there wasn't a low supply issue. Nathan wasn't able to do it on his own for whatever reason so I suggested Caroline switch gears.  Here is Caroline's Journey....

"I assumed breastfeeding would be easy: it's natural so it should come naturally. My mother had no issues breastfeeding me or my two brothers, so I presumed I'd be the same. I completed the breastfeeding prenatal class and I felt well informed on the first hour of skin to skin after birth, getting the correct latch and beyond. The class didn't, however, prepare me for what might go wrong... 

My son was born with a tongue and lip tie. I had no idea that he had this or what it even was. I remember it was initially painful but figured it was normal and I'd adjust. I saw a lactation consultant in hospital and said it was quite painful. I showed her my lipstick shaped nipple (a tell tell sign of a tongue tie) and she continued to shove my baby onto my breast and encourage me to breastfeed without checking his mouth. 

A midwife visited me at home in the first days as I reported extreme pain breastfeeding (I resorted to pumping and bottle feeding breastmilk every other feed as it hurt so much.) She brought me a nipple shield and diagnosed the tongue and lip ties. I was referred to Dr Bahn, but preferring not to trek into Philly, went to Dr Panarello in Aston, PA instead. He did a great job correcting both ties. He used a water laser and each cut took 15 seconds. I held my week old baby in a swaddle and he and his assistant worked as quickly as possible. I felt awful putting my son through the procedure but he stopped crying immediately and was fine. The exercises in the following days were harder, but necessary to stop scar tissue reattaching the ties.

So now, with the ties corrected, nursing was supposed to be easy and painless. But it wasn't. He'd already learned a poor latch and it was near to impossible to break him of it. I'd attach and detach him multiple times trying to get him to scoop more than just nipple, but he had a shallow suck and wasn't very teachable.

I struggled on using the nipple shield - nursing when I could bear to and pumping when I couldn't. My son nursed constantly - literally round the clock. He really didn't sleep much, which is rare for a newborn. He just ate. It was excruciating and exhausting. I was isolated stuck in my room all day and night feeding him. And he was always hungry.

At his one month check up, he'd only gained a few ounces. The doctor mentioned concern about failure to thrive. He wanted to see him again in a month and said we might need to supplement with formula. I felt like a failure. It was my job to feed my son as his mother and I was failing. I was the reason he was awake all the time. I was the reason he was hungry all the time. I was the reason he was failing to thrive. But I was also to blame for my own exhaustion and isolation in my room (I'm not confident enough to breastfeed in public!) I experienced some dark days of feeling pretty low. I definitely had the baby blues if not postpartum anxiety (not diagnosed.)

That's when I Googled "Lactation Consultant West Chester". I made an appointment with Dana and hoped it would help.

Dana listened to my breastfeeding journey. She weighed my son, had him nurse and weighed him again. Then I pumped so she could see how much milk he wasn't draining despite nursing for quite some time. She asked me about how I felt about pumping and moving away from nursing. At this point, I just wanted to feed my son and fill him up so he could sleep. So I agreed to try it.

And so my (almost) exclusive pumping career began. I still nursed on demand for comfort, but I knew he was getting the bulk of his milk via a bottle. It also allowed my husband to participate in feeding more too. I was pumping 25-30 oz per day (rising to 35-40 at my peak) and my son was guzzling it all. By his two month check up, my son had gained four pounds! I felt relieved but also so guilty that he'd been starving before.

It's worth mentioning that pumping is a huge commitment. You have to be attached to this machine every three to four hours, depending on how often your baby would feed. It takes 20-30 minutes to pump, then after that you have to clean the bottles, sterilize the bottles, store the milk, then warm the milk, serve the milk. And if you want to go anywhere, you need to lug the pump, parts, battery pack or car adapter, cleaning wipes, cool bag and ice packs with you. You get the idea... and this is on top of everything you are lugging with a new baby. I figured that by one year, I will have spent an entire month, non stop, pumping and that's not including cleaning parts or storing milk. That's just pumping.

Middle of the night pumps are the worst. After I'd feed my son, I'd go pump, usually around midnight and again at 4am and again when I woke in the morning. So I'd easily be up for an hour at a time in the night, feeding, pumping, washing and storing. And then there's what to do with baby when you're pumping. You can't easily hold a baby with two cumbersome pumps on your chest. And once baby is crawling, it's a challenge watching them while pumping as the cords only give you a limited radius of movement. 

But I'm was determined and I set myself a goal of breastfeeding for a year and I wanted to do that. I knew the benefits for the immune system for breastmilk and I also wanted to save money on formula - that stuff is not cheap!

My son is now ten moths and I am two months away from weaning and bringing pumping to an end. I don't feel sad about no longer pumping. I'll enjoy getting my body back! My son weaned himself from nursing at six months gradually, so I didn't really notice until he was completely done. I think if I'd exclusively breastfed, I might feel sad about losing our bonding time, I might even try nursing longer, but I feel like I've given him a good start with a year of milk and immunity from that. I've taken supplements and eaten well. I've laid off caffeine and alcohol. I know that I did my best and that's all I can do.

I'm so grateful for the advice I got at MotherBorn. I'm equally grateful for the support from the "village."  I love that "fed is best" is the unofficial motto and there is no shaming of one another - only support.

Motherhood is hard. Breastfeeding is hard. You don't have to walk it alone. And it's good to get help. Good luck!"