Pumping Queen - Elisha's Breastfeeding Journey

I met Elisha at the annual Lactation Consultant in Private Practice Conference in Philadelphia. Lactation Consultants from all over the world fly or drive in every year for education and to further their skills to be able to help moms and babies around the world. One of our education sessions was the examination of a newborn. Elisha and her son drove to the city to volunteer her baby to be examined during the session. After the session, one of our local lactation consultants ran up to me, grabbed me, and dragged me over the Elisha and her family. Elisha was having a really tough time with feeding and needed help. We chatted, I listened, we cried, we hugged, then we set up an appointment for me to see her and her son at my office so I could clinically evaluate her feeding situation. During our visit, I learned about the ups and downs Elisha had been going through and it was quite a ride. The latch was not functioning, she worked so hard to get her milk up and running, 30 oz is a good milk supply. The pump malfunctioned compromising her milk supply and it dropped significantly. She then struggled to find an effective pump. Elisha was apprehensive about reaching out to a lactation consultant for fear of being judged. I hope Elisha feels she found some good support from the lactation consultants at the hospital, at the conference, and through my services. I hope we made things a little better for her in the end. Here is Elisha's Breastfeeding Journey....

May 18, 2017

"Labor started at 3 am the 4th of February and at 3 am on the 5th we were on our way to the Hospital. My plan was to have a normal delivery of course with the help of an epidural. Once at the hospital I was already 5 cm so I received an epidural pretty quickly. However, it didn't work, so a second one it was. Around 9 am I was 8 cm and the doctor came in and “ flipped” him as he was what they call “sunny side up.” I am not sure how women “forget” that type of pain. I proceeded rather normally and made it to 10 cm to push, and that I did. However, they were monitoring my son’s heart rate. All morning it was going up and down and as I pushed it continued to be irregular. Though fully dilated and pushing, he showed no signs of dropping. His heart rate however continued to be a concern. To play it safe they prepped for an emergency C-section. It was a whirlwind. The nurses and doctors had it down to a T. I was moved and prepped so quickly and he was delivered at 11:51 am.  

Here was my first feeling of failure. I cried and cried as they prepped me for surgery. They had to tell me to calm down so they could cut. I was so worried about him, but I also felt guilty that I wasn't doing what a woman or mother was supposed to do which was push him out.  After he was out, safe and healthy, I shared this feeling with my husband and the delivery nurse. I was quickly scolded by both and told that I did my best and he was healthy and perfect. They said there was no need to feel as I did; but I did.

When they gave me my son he latched right away and I was thrilled. Something went right. He was on both breasts for about an hour. This proceeded for the first 24 hours. Nurses helped me track his feedings and supported me as I worked on this new skill. The second day started with a bit of trouble. Nurses and the lactation consultant came in and I was validated for what I was doing. I remembered what was taught in the class and tried every hold. They encouraged me to just to keep at it. Every time they took him they said he was great, but his weight was dropping. That second night he went 6 hours and wouldn’t feed. Every time I placed him at my breast he just screamed. I thought I wasn’t watching and missing cues so I just kept trying and thought I needed to stay ahead of him. Nothing worked. Finally the nurse said I had to pump. I cried as I watched the milk go into the tubes. She assured me that I was doing great and got a lot for a new mom, but that guilt lingered as it was another thing I wasn’t doing like a mom was supposed. The nurse was amazing and said everything she could to reassure me as we fed him with the dropper; but it didn’t make me feel better. However, I was relieved that he was getting food.  All I wanted him to do was eat. The next day it continued. He screamed every time I put him at the breast. I again looked for the cues and it wasn’t working. Every nurse tried to help as well as the lactation consultant. So many people grabbing and seeing my breasts. There was no place for modesty; I wanted my son to eat. Finally the evening nurse showed me how to use sugar water to entice and refocus him. Score! It was working and though he lost the full 10% there was no concern at that point because he was latching.

I was released on Wednesday with my new trick to get my son to feed. However, shortly after we were home, the trick wasn’t tricking him. Every time I put him at the breast he would just scream and cry. I tried to remain calm and just keep encouraging him but I was so worried because he had lost the weight and we were going to the doctor that Friday for the first follow up. I didn’t want him to have lost more. I made the decision and started to pump and fed him with the dropper as I had done with the nurse but I knew I couldn’t keep giving him food with the dropper. After one night of that I knew I couldn't continue to dropper feed so I started pumping and giving him a bottle. He needed to eat.

When we went to the pediatrician that Friday, we told her what was happening and she encouraged me to keep trying to give him the breast but she couldn't give me more tools than I had already gotten. She stated that he had gained a little bit back so to continue with trying the breast, using the bottle as needed and come back on Monday. Over the weekend I pumped and fed.  Every time I presented the breast he screamed and cried. I didn't want something positive to be such a negative experience for my son. I knew it was the breast milk he needed. Did it really have to come through my breast directly to him even though I wanted it. I started reading about pumping and tried to stick to his feeding schedule which was every 1.5 hours to 2 hours. That Monday he was gaining and I was told to keep doing what I was doing but she wanted to see him again at the end of the week. He still didn’t gain back what was lost. I kept pumping 24 hours a day. I tried to stay ahead of him and get what he needed, but I couldn’t. I was getting a decent supply then, but it wasn’t enough.
At the next doctor appointment at the push of my husband because of my stress and worry we asked about formula. It was encouraged to do what I could and supplement as needed. Yet another fail in my eyes. I cried repeatedly because I couldn’t feed him like I was supposed to. I was learning through reading that supply was an issue, which I didn’t know. I thought women just chose to breastfeed or not. As I dealt with the guilt around my low supply, again, my husband validated my feelings. He said that the most important thing was that he ate and we were feeding him and that was what mattered. I still had guilt despite him trying to make me feel better and the pediatrician being ok with him getting formula as well.  

For about three weeks I was a pumping queen. I was pumping around the clock every couple of hours. Pump, clean, feed, repeat. Then I started noticing that pumping was taking longer and longer to even get any amount. Sometimes it was a half ounce or less. My breasts became engorged and I remember one night around 2 am I had been pumping for an hour or more and got nothing. My breasts hurt and I was getting no relief. All I could do was sit in the nursery and cry uncontrollably. It woke my husband up from the other room and he came running unable to do a thing for me. The next day or so we realized that my pump had broke and this was contributing to my engorgement. We ran out to get a new one immediately. This one helped as I worked through the engorgement. I had hot showers and heated everything I could to put on my breasts for release. I heated to the point of burning myself at times. I needed relief.  During this time I called my OBGYN and I spoke to my son’s pediatrician. I didn't get any more information than I was already doing. I continued to read online. Lactation consultations were encouraged and both OBGYN and pediatrician suggested. I knew this was an option and my husband encouraged it but I felt guilty that I was pumping and bottle feeding. Though I had a good experience, I knew that some consultants didn’t support bottle feeding or formula. I was doing both. I didn’t want to randomly call a consultant and be made to feel worse than I already did.

After finally relieving the engorgement and it returning a day later I was at my wits end and called the breastfeeding support hotline. I talked to a lactation consultant who listened to me cry and tried to console me. She gave a few suggestions and validated what I was doing. I ended up calling her 2 or 3 times. She was so great listening to me and my frustration and did not make me feel bad. In fact she praised my choice to pump and recognized how hard it was.

I continued to pump throughout the day and though my new pump was better, I didn’t feel it was strong enough. I ended up using it one breast at a time rather than both and it took so long. I was up every couple of hours for a hour after feeding my son and pumping both breasts separately.

One night after the 2nd or 3rd call to the hotline the lactation consultant who worked the line sent me an email asking if I would like to go to the lactation consultation convention. She thought that getting fit for a flange might help and they needed volunteers. I said yes immediately. My husband took off that Friday so he could go with me and care for our son as I volunteered. After I had already agreed, she asked if my son would we able to be used to support in demonstrating. I again agreed. I felt I was being helped the least I could do was help. I was thrilled and nervous at the same time again because I was going to be surrounded by lactation consultants and I would be feeding my son in front of them a combination of breastmilk and formula bottles because I still couldn’t keep up with him. After being engorged it seemed to affect my supply. Before I was getting up to 30 ounces but at that time I was lucky if I was getting 15 ounces. I continued to read and read before I went to the convention. I was doing everything I could to increase my supply. I was drinking water around the clock, taking fenugreek, eating oatmeal, drinking multiple lactation support teas, making lactation cookies, eating protein, putting flax seed meal and brewers yeast and wheat in everything I could and increasing my almond intake. My poor husband had no clue he was eating what he was when I cooked, though knowingly he chose to eat the cookies. They were pretty good!!

Anyway, I went to the convention and my son was a hit. I wasn’t needed for the classes, but the consultant fitting for the flanges still met with me. She put all of these flanges til the right fit and the milk just flowed. I was shocked what was coming out of me and so easily. When I told them what pump I had and just spent over $300 on I was told this was not a good pump. I was encouraged and defeated at the same time. I spoke to whoever I could while we were sitting around as the consultants were learning during the conference session. This all led me to being introduced to Dana because her private practice was close to me in location. As I talked to her, I cried. I couldn’t stop crying when it came to talking about my breastmilk supply and the struggle thus far. She consoled me, accepted a hug, and didn’t make me feel bad. We scheduled and appointment for the following week.  

My son and I went in the following week and Dana and I talked. She shared that I wasn’t alone which I kind of knew, but only read. No one I associated with had the struggle I did. She didn’t make me feel bad for pumping or for giving formula which was a concern for me. I was already trying to manage my guilt. She helped me and he latched. He ate 2 ounces! Success! After 6 long weeks. However, when she helped go to the next breast she witnessed what I had experienced. He just started screaming and screaming. The food was in his mouth and he wouldn’t take it. She finally felt around in his mouth and thought maybe there was a tongue tie or his tongue was shorter. I had never really heard of this. However, she provided all of the information and thought maybe this was something to look into. My son showed he could do it so Dana encouraged me to keep trying, which I did, with little success. Since I was having a hard time still with my new pump I reached out to some friends. Someone had a breast pump they weren't using and they gave this to me. I had been contemplating renting a hospital grade, but I was going to give this one a shot. To my surprise this one worked! Though I wish I saved myself all of this struggle and left the hospital with one.
Dana checked in with me following our session and we attended TummyTime for 3 weeks to try to strengthen his head and neck and maybe get that tongue out. Though he doesn’t stick it out like other babies, I see it more than I had! I did speak to the pediatrician and she agreed with Dana. We have an appointment in June with the ENT.  At this point I am not as concerned with getting him to latch but I don't want anything to affect his ability speak in the future.

My son just turned 14 weeks and I am an avid pumper. At one point was pumping 10-12 times a day because everything I read said the more you pump the more you make. On top of every supplement I could get my hands on, my supply pretty much evened out. I was getting around 18-22 ounces a day. As going back to work came closer I started decreasing the number of pumps and giving more time between them. Surprisingly I saw an increase in supply which went against everything I read. I have had a couple of incidents of 28 ounces but on an average I am between 22 and 25 ounces a day. I am down to 4-6 pumping sessions in 24 hours working part time now and mom full time. At this point in time I am ok with this. I am finally no longer feeling guilty for something I cannot control. This is what my body does and I have accepted it. Pumping is a lifestyle. This journey has been anything but easy, but I am going to do it as long as I can. He is getting the benefits of breastmilk and getting formula. I do not think we have lost anything by bottle feeding. We are definitely bonded and he is with dad too, who gets to feed as well.

At his 2 month checkup he was 24 inches long and 12 pounds 13 ounces. He is a big boy and I am eager to see where he is at his 4 month check up. He is growing, happy, and healthy and that really is what it is about."